she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
