I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
