Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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