Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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