I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
