He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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