i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
