Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
