the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
