So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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