no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
