get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
