gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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