Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize