Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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