Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
