the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
