Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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