Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
