i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
