stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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