Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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