Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
