i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
