i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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