There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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