I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
