I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
