Just mADE A PArabola og urine
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I deserve this hangover.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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