yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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