I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
