just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't put those talents on a resume
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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