It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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