i think my mom watched the whole time
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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