You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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