Girls should come with a carfax report
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
