Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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