Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
