I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
