You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
