this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
