Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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