That's when you crack a 10am beer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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