Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im six kinds of drunk right now
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
