i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
