Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
