i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
