you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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