Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
