I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
