I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
