70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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