Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
