are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize