Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
