I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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