whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
