Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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