Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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