we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
