I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
