Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
