there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
