Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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