You're earring is so big in my mouth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
