Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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