I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
