I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
