how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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