Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
