When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize