You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
