fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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