My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
