..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
