Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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