Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
