Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
