And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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