in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
