can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
