hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
