I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize