If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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