you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
